Mother’s Day can be difficult for so many people, for instance if your mum or your child has died, or if you have been unable to become pregnant.  

As the day approaches, we’ve spoken to our Counsellor Vida to get some advice on things you can do to help you get through this painful time. We hope you find it helpful.  

Vida says:

"Mother’s Day is coming up, it is impossible to avoid hearing about it. Personally, in the last two days I have received four emails from online companies telling me to get ready for it, and how to make this day special!

For some people this will be a welcome reminder, for others it will feel like a dagger in the heart. There will be some people whose mum has died, whose child or baby has died, or who have been unable to become pregnant. These are a few of many losses that can be related to the words ‘Mother’s Day’.

If you find this day difficult you might like to consider the following ideas….

Allow yourself to do whatever you feel is right for you. If you want to go out for lunch, do so; if you want to spend the day by yourself, do so; or if you want to sit in a chair crying, do so.

Share what the day feels like for you with friends and family if you can. It might help you to talk.

Remember you are not alone. Although we may not hear about it, there are many people out there who also feel enormous loss and grief on this day.

Know that it is okay to have whatever thoughts and feelings you are having. Try to be kind and understanding with yourself. Examples of difficult feelings that have been shared with me over the years include:

  • sadness and guilt for celebrating mother’s day with your living children when your other child has died;
  • guilt for not feeling fully engaged in the celebrations and happiness that your living children and others are trying to offer you;
  • jealousy that you do not have a child to share the day with;
  • anger that others do not have to feel this pain or that they do not recognise that the day is different for you;
  • confusion about how to approach the day.

Make a memory. Maybe you could create a memory jar or light a candle for your child or your mother. If you already have a memory box, maybe you can make something or write about how you feel, and place it inside.

You might find it helpful to connect with others. They might be feeling something similar and welcome the opportunity to talk. You could also contact organisations that can offer support."

    Please also remember that we are here to help too. Hope House Children’s Hospices offer a free and confidential counselling service to mums, dads, and family members, who have been affected by the death of a baby, child or young person up to the age of 25 years when they died. This support is available to anyone living in Shropshire, Cheshire, Mid and North Wales.

    Our counselling service is British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy Accredited and all our counsellors are registered or accredited members of the BACP.

    Please call Hope House on 01691 672618 or Ty Gobaith on 01492 554443 for more information about how we can help.

     

    • Here is some useful advice from other charities too:

    Mother's Day | Sands - Stillbirth and neonatal death charity

    How to cope with Mother's Day after your mum has died | Winston's Wish (winstonswish.org)

    Grieving on Mother's Day | Cruse Bereavement Support